Aa phir say mujhay chhorr kay jaanay kay liyay aa
Pehlay say maraasim na sahi phir bhi kabhi to
Rasm-o-rahay duniya hi nibhaanay kay liyay aa
Kis kis ko bataayengay judaai kaa sabab ham
Tu mujh se khafaa hai to zamaanay kay liyay aa
Kuchh to meri pindaar-e-mohabbat ka bharam rakh
Tu bhi to kabhi mujh ko manaanay kay liyay aa
Ek umr say hun lazzat-e-giryaa se bhi mehruum
Aye raahat-e-jaan mujh ko rulaanay kay liyay aa
Ab tak dil-e-khush_feham ko tujh say hain ummeedain
Ye aakhari shammain bhi bujhaanay kay liyay aa
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Come, even if only to break my heart
Come, even if only to leave me again
Yes, it is no longer like before, but still
Come, if only for the sake of convention
I cannot tell people the reasons for our separation
Come, even if unhappy, for public show
Respect just a little my love for you
Come, for once, just to appease me
For long I haven’t had even the pleasure of lament
Come, joy of my life, if only to make me weep again
My heart, the optimist, still retains some hope
Come, to extinguish even these last little embers.
I am not an expert in Urdu, neither can I understand it very well. But whenever I read an Urdu poem, I find myself taking pains to search for word translations in Google. I want to understand them.
The above poem was written by Ahmad Faraz, one of the greatest modern Urdu poets, who lived during the last century. Its sung by many. A simple search in YouTube can give you many results. But I reccomend picking up a version sung by a female singer. Here's one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGZfS3gUW8c&feature=related
Now lets talk about the reason why I brought this up. Divorce. Even though this poem is considered romantic, after I talked and observed many divorcees, I realized they also had these mixed emotions. These emotions and thoughts occur before, during and after the divorce. At one point or the other, they all want their ex back, even though you might never hear them say it loudly. The fear and hurt is so strong and deep that they all choose to wear a mask instead.
I always say, loving someone and living together are two different things. One might be madly in love with someone, but he/she might find it highly impossible to live with that person under the same roof. It applies to both love and arranged marriages. Ask around, you will see that lot of divorces happened for no major reason. Its the small small reasons, which piled up over time, that caused the separation. But when people hear about them, they say," You chose to divorce for that?? Ridiculous!!". Well, let me ask you: what gives you the right to ask such a question. Everybody has their reasons. You just need to understand it from their prospective. If you do not have the ability to do so, at least do not ask stupid questions.
So, I say please do not judge. If you haven't been there yourself, you might never understand them completely. But you can do something for them. They are hurting and taking baby steps to make sense out this fatalistic situation in their life. So, be there for them and support them without judging or imposing your will. Encourage them to be their own healers. Be a good listener and do not isolate them. Include them in your parties. Divorce is not contagious.
I also request those couples, who have children and still contemplating divorce, to really think before making a decision. Somehow, I am yet to accept that a child will "eventually" grow out of it. I believe, they never will.
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