Guilt and Shame.

"Guilt says I've done something wrong; shame says there is something wrong with me".

In other words, guilt is formed between you, your mind and the mistake you did. Whereas, shame is just between you and your mind. Its a form of self attack, which in any form can complicate your life beyond limits. Therefore, shame is much more potent than guilt.

When guilt and shame is justified, emotions fit your wise mind values, the "shoulds" that we carry in our wise mind. If we let the guilt consume us, we'll soon see that guilt and shame will make love within us.

With guilt, we must try to REPAIR the transgression. Saying sorry and doing something nice for the person can help you feel alright. If, for some reason, it isn't possible, then you can do something nice for someone else. Apologizing can be hard for a lot of people. Some of us are just not comfortable accepting our mistakes. And some of us do accept our mistakes, but decide to leave it up to either God or time or both to do the repair. But in case of guilt and shame, its will be better if you can do some repair yourself before leaving things to God and time.

Carrying guilt in your mind is like carrying a huge rock in your heart. Your heart feels heavy and you feel weighed down all the time and according to me, its a bad habit to carry guilt around. For me, talking to the person I have wronged helps. I also COMMIT to avoid that mistake in the future. It helps bring the trust back into the relationship and also helps my self esteem. The commitment is more of a promise to myself than to the other person.

When I talk about doing the above, I am not arguing that there will not be any consequences to your mistake. Before you apologize you must be willing to ACCEPT the consequences of your mistake. The ball is in their court. The one you hurted might request time and space from you. Respect their request, knowing they might never forgive you.

What you do after this is the most important: LET IT GO. Yeah, I know, easier said and done. I have heard meditation can help. Being mindful that you have done everything possible to repair the situation can help. Respecting the importance of time can help. Respecting the other person's emotions can help. And once you master this process, you will be called a "mature person".

Someday, even I will become mature.

Casual Nexus : Need, Want and Opportunity.

I think, stories are the best way to tell something. So, let me tell you one.

Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl. They lived in separate towns and loved each other very much. But the boy never visited her or did anything to make her feel special, not even a casual phone call. He was always busy chasing other girls. She was a prisoner of his love. Whenever there was an opportunity, she tried to persuade him to pay her a visit. They had not seen each other in ages. But he never came. One day, she asked the boy to set her free. He said,"I cannot. I need you. I have set your address in my GPS a long time ago. I really want to take that journey. But, I am not getting an opportunity."

What do you think? Did he not have the opportunity or he just didn't see it? Because, in my opinion, he might have had the "want" for this girl, but not the need. If he did, even the smallest opportunity would have urged him to take that journey.

Even though, I talked about the relationship between want, need and opportunity through a silly love story, this is one of the basic principles of marketing. Actually, the vicious circle of marketing...the Game of Human Psychology. First, create a want in a customer. During this period, if the customer has the means, he might indulge in these wants. But, he can definitely resist it. In other words, he has a choice. Choice to spend his money or not. Then, the real game begins. This "want" becomes a "need". Its a thin line. But once he crosses that, his whole thinking can change. To satisfy this need, in a heart beat he will become an innovator....his mind will raise like a horse...like a chess player, he will plan every move to get where he wants to go. He will grab every opportunity and if they don't exist, he will create them. Depending on how strong his need is, he won't rest till he attains what he wants....till he can hold his object of desire in his own hands. Aww....sweet victory. At that moment, he might feel speechless and shaky with happiness. He will reach his expected cardio workout heart rate, the one which he struggles to reach when he tries to workout every now and then, without moving a muscle. His pupils will have the size of a football. He will hear his mind singing Haaa...llelujah Hallelujah and his GPS will say,"You have reached your destination".

This is not only true for marketing, it is true for every aspect of our life. To do an MBA, to be with your lover, to be peaceful with yourself, to eat, to drink, to breathe; any activity can be talked in terms of these three simple words. Many people sit on their dreams for years to do their MBA even without buying the text book to study for the GMAT. Some even drop the whole dream, realizing they do not have the need! How many people, including me, put off having a baby for years till they have the need for that parental feeling?

Its simple. Opportunities are created by the needy. Your actions are directly proportional to your needs. If they are not strong enough, you will sit on it till the days end and never see any opportunities that pass by you. Your wants are just like passing thoughts and your GPS is equivalent to your old Archie's address book.

The good old proverb says it well: When there is a will, there is a way. I wish that boy had this wisdom.