Guilt and Shame.

"Guilt says I've done something wrong; shame says there is something wrong with me".

In other words, guilt is formed between you, your mind and the mistake you did. Whereas, shame is just between you and your mind. Its a form of self attack, which in any form can complicate your life beyond limits. Therefore, shame is much more potent than guilt.

When guilt and shame is justified, emotions fit your wise mind values, the "shoulds" that we carry in our wise mind. If we let the guilt consume us, we'll soon see that guilt and shame will make love within us.

With guilt, we must try to REPAIR the transgression. Saying sorry and doing something nice for the person can help you feel alright. If, for some reason, it isn't possible, then you can do something nice for someone else. Apologizing can be hard for a lot of people. Some of us are just not comfortable accepting our mistakes. And some of us do accept our mistakes, but decide to leave it up to either God or time or both to do the repair. But in case of guilt and shame, its will be better if you can do some repair yourself before leaving things to God and time.

Carrying guilt in your mind is like carrying a huge rock in your heart. Your heart feels heavy and you feel weighed down all the time and according to me, its a bad habit to carry guilt around. For me, talking to the person I have wronged helps. I also COMMIT to avoid that mistake in the future. It helps bring the trust back into the relationship and also helps my self esteem. The commitment is more of a promise to myself than to the other person.

When I talk about doing the above, I am not arguing that there will not be any consequences to your mistake. Before you apologize you must be willing to ACCEPT the consequences of your mistake. The ball is in their court. The one you hurted might request time and space from you. Respect their request, knowing they might never forgive you.

What you do after this is the most important: LET IT GO. Yeah, I know, easier said and done. I have heard meditation can help. Being mindful that you have done everything possible to repair the situation can help. Respecting the importance of time can help. Respecting the other person's emotions can help. And once you master this process, you will be called a "mature person".

Someday, even I will become mature.